Today's a bit of a personal topic so bare through it with me. Let's start with this - heading into these more precious, important years of my life has brought me closer to a more experienced person who I always took for granted. I've known them my whole life, and only recently, bothered to pay them much attention at all. Of course, I loved them, but it was never a relationship strong enough where I could safely say that they were the most consistent source of stability and strength I know. Only in the past year or so that I've developed a strong relationship with them, and this relationship has exposed me to so many things that I didn't realise were affecting them (and subsequently, me) so deeply.
My brother. He's always been in the room next to me, always helpful in giving me advice for homework and assignments. He's always defended me when I've had a disagreement with my family, and above all, he's never ever given up in me. I've always, however, taken him for granted.
[Note: it was at this point that I started getting emotional, so any grammatical mistakes or unconventionally placed statements and paragraphs will have to been excused.]
Only about 9 months ago, he came to my room late at night and we talked about everything. I still remember exactly when all our walls came down and I was exposed to everything he'd faced in his life. My brother has been facing depression for a while now. It came to the point where he requested a semester off from his uni course because he didn't know what he wanted to do with himself any more. Now, as I know as well, depression of any sort, isn't something that can be cured by a river or medications and therapists. Even though he's returned to uni doing a double degree in subjects that interest him, and he genuinely enjoys, I would be lying if I said I wasn't occasionally worried about him.
It's complicated in the way that some days he's come home and lie on his bed and not want to do anything, and I sometimes interpret it wrong and push him to do something when it isn't helping. It's complicated in the way that my parents, love them as I do, do not understand what additional pressures come with being a member of young society that is expected to keep up with the rapidly evolving world we live in. It's complicated in the way that I just don't know sometimes what to do, and how to handle it. However, it's not complicated in the way that it's not taboo for my brother and I to talk about, and I know that he has my back when I'm going through a rough patch.
Now I wanted to stay away from anything that could appear as 'mushy', but I can promise you that I will never ever take a person as good hearted and genuine as him for granted ever again. Yes, we disagree. Yes, we have different perspectives. Yes, I sometimes want to get away from him. But also - yes, I can always rely on him. Yes, he is the most genuine, intelligent, honest, loving person I know. Yes, I do love him. And above all, yes I will never ever give up on him.
Knowing him 'properly' for the short amount of time I have, I can already say that I am so proud of him and I cannot wait for him to achieve so many great things with his life. I honestly wish that every single one of you have someone like my brother in their life.
Not having the best day today, and I don't want any of you to feel that way today either. I just wanted to write a bit of a personal, lovey-dovey post today because I was feeling a bit emotional and my brother really helped me up. Sending cuddles from here in Australia.
Much love,
Duchess
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