Sorry for not updating anything recently, I have been so busy with school and in my holiday break I just ran out of ideas. However, now I'm back and I have a lot of things to talk to you guys about. Firstly, I would just like to say that I hope everyone reading has had a lovely 2015 so far and continues to have a wonderful year. I have been looking up a few of my favourite bloggers and YouTubers (of which there are many) and I am already so excited for this year in terms of how far people on the internet are going. Books are being released, music is being sold and so much more - and it's all been so successful. I am so so happy that people on the internet are being recognised for their hard work, so congratulations for all achievements to anyone.
However, I can guess that by judging by the title you can tell this is not what I am going to continue talking about for the rest of this blog post. My life has been looking up and up and up this year but there are still a lot of things I have had to tackle. I don't really know what the best way to approach this subject is going to be so excuse me for any bluntness and/or indirectness during what I am saying. I'm sure that a lot of you have felt a bit uncomfortable saying something, even more so when you're doing it anonymously.
So these next two years are going to be really important for the rest of my life. They are really going to frame my career and also what opportunities I am going to have in the future - so it would make sense that I would have full say in what I do and what I don't. However, my parents have made this situation much harder to deal with. Now, I know that my parents are doing all they can to support and help me but they seem to be trying to call some of the shots, in my place.
I have been attended a religion and language school for a while now, because I come from a Hindu background but haven't had much direct contact with it as I moved to Australia when I was very young. I love learning about my culture and my background, but I wouldn't say that I agree with the religion and find it easy to learn the language (both of which are not direct focus points of what I intend to say today). My parents decided a few months back that I would use what I have learned at this school and put it as one of my choices that would depict the rest of my education (I know this isn't worded very well but bear with me).
I am unsure of this choice. For a couple of reasons, I am not just trying to be their annoying, stubborn child. For starters, I do not feel confident or comfortable entering into this exam, and I feel like that will directly affect my marks. Also, learning to read, write and speak Hindi (which is what I will be tested on) is going to take a lot of time. A lot of time that could, potentially, be used to help me with other subjects that I have chosen for this test.
If you can't tell, I'm having a lot of trouble putting my situation into words. But to clarify, I will be participating in a test in a couple of years on a variety of different subjects that I have had to have selected. These can vary to Maths, English, any Science, Language, Humanities (e.g. Business Studies, Society + Culture), etc. However, it seems I have been signed up to a subject without being asked.
Anyway, I really want to drop Hindi. Not for any other reason apart from that I don't feel confident doing it (knowing well that I won't get a decent mark) and it will take time away from subjects I probably could do better in. When I approach the subject matter of dropping it from this big test, my parents tell me that they're not angry - just disappointed.
In a way, I feel, this is much worse. Disappointing my parents feels like such a loss for me because I never intentionally want to hurt, or disappoint, them. So when they say this, it makes me feel like I am doing the wrong thing because they have always tried to do the right thing for me. It also makes me think, why would this disappoint them? This is my test, and this is going to depict my opportunities - so why are they disappointed?
Obviously this isn't me being ungrateful or trying to twist my parents behind their own backs but I sometimes don't understand why they feel like I would have let them down. If I know I'm going to do badly in this test, shouldn't I be able to say I don't want to do it without someone being on my subconscious. Isn't this my choice?
I just wanted to say this, to get it off my chest. Also, if anyone is reading this and would like to share, please let me know if you've ever been in a position where you want to do what is right for yourself, but have had someone not approve. Or if you've ever just been in an uncomfortable situation.
Much love,
Duchess
P.S. Expect regular update from now on - I am trying my best and have a lot planned!
